It's been a while since I've written on my blog. I had to have open jaw surgery April 2, and recovery was tougher than the arthroscopy done in January. Also, there was a mixup in my narcotics in November, 2010, and I ended up with oxycodone instead of hydrocodone. So for the months of April & May 2012 I was basically in a quasi-stupor...so you may have gotten weird messages or phone calls from me during that time. I live 120 miles roundtrip from Asheville, NC. One night around 9:15, I thought it was in the morning, and I had to get my car serviced in Asheville. I drove to there & back that night, and I don't remember hardly anything except the sound of my tires running over the right shoulder bumpy things several times, and I couldn't understand why the sun wasn't up yet. Scared me to death the next day. I weaned off the oxy and saw my pain-psychiatrist and she prescribed the hydrocodone. It's working well for my pain.
BE CAREFUL OF WHAT MEDS YOU TAKE!!!!!! TAKE THEM ON TIME!!!!! DON'T SWITCH THEM AROUND, AND IF YOU'RE HAVING SIDE EFFECTS, CALL YOUR DOCTOR NOW!!!!!
Enough MD stuff. I'm doing pretty good. However, those of us with mental illnesses, especially Bi-Polar &/or Borderline, it's a continuous, eternal, up and down life. What hurts so much is when we have a good day. Then we have high hopes that the rest of the days will be good...but then they're not. And we plunge down into our depressive state, and our hope turns to despair. We may even want to just end the yo-yo of emotions permanently, as it wears us totally out. We also see our loved ones suffer the wear & tear of our illnesses, and we get so filled with guilt for doing that to them. This is a hard place to exist.
But...GOOD NEWS!!!! Just take care of yourself...take your emergency crisis meds...watch TV or listen to music...call in sick and stay in bed all day, go to Dairy Queen, or just for a drive. Go to a thrift store or consignment shop and buy yourself something for $3.00. Eventually, and that could be a day, a week, a month...however long...one day you'll get up and have energy and the black cloud is gone, and you'll sing, hang pictures, clean the kitchen, rearrange the living room, go back to work. You're on the other side. Don't know how long it will last, but take advantage of it. This is our world...we're standing in the middle of the see-saw, trying to keep both ends even.
You cannot do this on your own. You need your psychiatrist, your meds, your behavior classes (and if you aren't going to any, find the closest Meridian Behavioral Health Center or something similar, and begin taking their classes...I ORDER YOU TO DO THIS!!!), healthy & positive relationships with people who love you and will come to your aid. Lastly...you need your faith...most important. Get your Bible (or go buy one at WalMart) and read the book of John in the New Testament section. Start watching Joyce Meyer on your TV. Go to a small Wednesday night worship service - the Baptists almost always have one. It'll be easier to meet with a small group of people than an entire Sunday worship service.
Do you have a pet? Get one from a shelter or animal rescue. Be sure you can afford vet bills, food, toys, & other miscellaneous pet care. And then love it as much as you can. Make sure you take care of it properly...go online or to the library and find out about whatever kind of pet you get.
Go wandering...around a hiking trail, the mall, the local farmers market. Get the local paper and check out events...lots of them are free. Another important thing to do is to do something for someone else out of love. If you do it anonymously it's even more fulfilling! Start gardening...even just potted plants. It's cheap and will bless you as it grows and blooms. I'm hooked...started out with African violets in memory of my deceased kitty. Now I've got a veggie garden, herbs, flowers (ONLY buy PERENNIALS, they come back every year), shrubs, and this fall will embark on planting a bulb garden. There's just something about digging in the dirt...
Time to go...I'm going to watch a movie on my computer thru NetFlix...$8.53 a month for unlimited streaming! Such a deal. I care about each one of you. Let's have a short prayer:
"Father God, thank You for all the good things You've done and given us. You said You knew us when we were still in our mother's wombs and You already had a plan for our lives. We don't understand how being mentally ill or brain-damaged can bless us or glorify You, but You promised that You would fulfill the plan you have for us. Help us to be patient, wait, watch for Your guidance, and even though we suffer, help us to do good for others and love ourselves. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, Amen."
