Monday, January 31, 2011
Search For Truth: Sunday, January 30, 2010
Search For Truth: Sunday, January 30, 2010: "Hi everybody. It's been a rough week for me, and, in order for me to tell you why, I have to share some of my health issues with y..."
Search For Truth: Blog #1A: Oops!
Search For Truth: Blog #1A: Oops!: "I forgot to tell you that you will notice I write the words CHRISTian and CHRISTmas with CHRIST in caps. That's my personal ..."
Search For Truth: Blog #1: About Me
Search For Truth: Blog #1: About Me: "Thank you for coming to visit. I hope & pray that whatever you read here, no matter if it's the whole blog, a portion, or a word, ..."
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2010
Hi everybody. It's been a rough week for me, and, in order for me to tell you why, I have to share some of my health issues with you. Now...I know that probably ALL of you have SOMETHING wrong...we all have our own stories. But for you to understand the rest of my blogs you need to the following about me: I have both mental and physical illnesses and disorders. The physical ones mean that I am in pain every moment of my life. The pain comes from different sources, and in future blogs I plan to take each one of them and discuss them, especially how they affect me. I take A LOT of meds for my physical issues.
The mental issues cause a different kind of pain...deep within my soul and heart, and I will have them the rest of my life. You have the choice of not reading my blogs now because you consider me a "crazy woman", or...you can choose to keep reading and learn how to acknowledge your own mental illnesses or someone you know and/or love, work with, go to church with...the list goes on...and how someone with mental illness(es) deal with their spiritual lives. That includes me...and I know I want to share my life experiences with you.
I am a Bi-Polar Bear, have ADD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I suffer from General Anxiety and panic attacks. I take A LOT of meds, each which has side effects all working at the same time inside me and my brain! It takes a long time to get your meds working together so you can be as even as "normal" people. It wears you out...sometimes you just want to throw them all out the door...and sometimes you want to line them up, take them all, and end the pain and suffering once and for all. I've been both places...I'm still here. I couldn't end my life because I felt that God would send me to hell for murdering myself. But let me tell you...I prayed several times asking God to just stop my breathing, or give me a terminal illness so I could die a "respectable" death, and my family could grieve without shame.
Sound familiar? Tell me, tell me. I want us to be as honest as possible...as healing begins with acknowledgement of the problem. Now listen to me...this blog will NOT be all doom & gloom. Nor will it be nothing but sermons. There will be fun and laughter, goofiness and silliness. I have learned that both laughter AND tears bring healing, whether you're in pain forever, or just temporarily shipwrecked. Stay with me...I'm thinking about you all.
The mental issues cause a different kind of pain...deep within my soul and heart, and I will have them the rest of my life. You have the choice of not reading my blogs now because you consider me a "crazy woman", or...you can choose to keep reading and learn how to acknowledge your own mental illnesses or someone you know and/or love, work with, go to church with...the list goes on...and how someone with mental illness(es) deal with their spiritual lives. That includes me...and I know I want to share my life experiences with you.
I am a Bi-Polar Bear, have ADD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I suffer from General Anxiety and panic attacks. I take A LOT of meds, each which has side effects all working at the same time inside me and my brain! It takes a long time to get your meds working together so you can be as even as "normal" people. It wears you out...sometimes you just want to throw them all out the door...and sometimes you want to line them up, take them all, and end the pain and suffering once and for all. I've been both places...I'm still here. I couldn't end my life because I felt that God would send me to hell for murdering myself. But let me tell you...I prayed several times asking God to just stop my breathing, or give me a terminal illness so I could die a "respectable" death, and my family could grieve without shame.
Sound familiar? Tell me, tell me. I want us to be as honest as possible...as healing begins with acknowledgement of the problem. Now listen to me...this blog will NOT be all doom & gloom. Nor will it be nothing but sermons. There will be fun and laughter, goofiness and silliness. I have learned that both laughter AND tears bring healing, whether you're in pain forever, or just temporarily shipwrecked. Stay with me...I'm thinking about you all.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Blog #1A: Oops!
I forgot to tell you that you will notice I write the words CHRISTian and CHRISTmas with CHRIST in caps. That's my personal choice, since that part of these words is what it's really all about.
Blog #1: About Me
Thank you for coming to visit. I hope & pray that whatever you read here, no matter if it's the whole blog, a portion, or a word, that it will encourage, inspire, exhort, teach, or bring you comfort.
Let me tell you about my spiritual walk in the short version. I was raised in a quasi-CHRISTian home that was also very dysfunctional. I was baptized at the age of 9, and lived the next 25 years as a VERY good Pharisee (let me know if you don't know what this means). Also in that 25 years the following events occurred when I became an adult: I was married to husband #1, my high school sweetheart, had 3 daughters, left husband & children, met and married husband #2 who was killed in a military air crash 10 months after our wedding, met & married husband #3, a Baptist minister, got my daughters back after 5 years, & divorced him.
Husband #3 led me to real salvation, and the words in red in my Bible began to make sense. Hence, my spiritual search really began at age 34. Before then, I kept searching for that "something" that was missing in my life, even though I thought I was a CHRISTian. I've traveled down a very long, painful, arduous road to get where I am today. I'll share more later...it doesn't end yet.
Let me leave you today with what I learned this week...don't confuse God with Life! They are very different. And...whoever you are...I look forward to hearing from you and we'll learn about this God together!
Let me tell you about my spiritual walk in the short version. I was raised in a quasi-CHRISTian home that was also very dysfunctional. I was baptized at the age of 9, and lived the next 25 years as a VERY good Pharisee (let me know if you don't know what this means). Also in that 25 years the following events occurred when I became an adult: I was married to husband #1, my high school sweetheart, had 3 daughters, left husband & children, met and married husband #2 who was killed in a military air crash 10 months after our wedding, met & married husband #3, a Baptist minister, got my daughters back after 5 years, & divorced him.
Husband #3 led me to real salvation, and the words in red in my Bible began to make sense. Hence, my spiritual search really began at age 34. Before then, I kept searching for that "something" that was missing in my life, even though I thought I was a CHRISTian. I've traveled down a very long, painful, arduous road to get where I am today. I'll share more later...it doesn't end yet.
Let me leave you today with what I learned this week...don't confuse God with Life! They are very different. And...whoever you are...I look forward to hearing from you and we'll learn about this God together!
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