Hi everybody. It's been a rough week for me, and, in order for me to tell you why, I have to share some of my health issues with you. Now...I know that probably ALL of you have SOMETHING wrong...we all have our own stories. But for you to understand the rest of my blogs you need to the following about me: I have both mental and physical illnesses and disorders. The physical ones mean that I am in pain every moment of my life. The pain comes from different sources, and in future blogs I plan to take each one of them and discuss them, especially how they affect me. I take A LOT of meds for my physical issues.
The mental issues cause a different kind of pain...deep within my soul and heart, and I will have them the rest of my life. You have the choice of not reading my blogs now because you consider me a "crazy woman", or...you can choose to keep reading and learn how to acknowledge your own mental illnesses or someone you know and/or love, work with, go to church with...the list goes on...and how someone with mental illness(es) deal with their spiritual lives. That includes me...and I know I want to share my life experiences with you.
I am a Bi-Polar Bear, have ADD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I suffer from General Anxiety and panic attacks. I take A LOT of meds, each which has side effects all working at the same time inside me and my brain! It takes a long time to get your meds working together so you can be as even as "normal" people. It wears you out...sometimes you just want to throw them all out the door...and sometimes you want to line them up, take them all, and end the pain and suffering once and for all. I've been both places...I'm still here. I couldn't end my life because I felt that God would send me to hell for murdering myself. But let me tell you...I prayed several times asking God to just stop my breathing, or give me a terminal illness so I could die a "respectable" death, and my family could grieve without shame.
Sound familiar? Tell me, tell me. I want us to be as honest as possible...as healing begins with acknowledgement of the problem. Now listen to me...this blog will NOT be all doom & gloom. Nor will it be nothing but sermons. There will be fun and laughter, goofiness and silliness. I have learned that both laughter AND tears bring healing, whether you're in pain forever, or just temporarily shipwrecked. Stay with me...I'm thinking about you all.
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